Let the tears down, darling!

After a bit of a rubbish end to the night, I got in bed and cried. I felt all alone! I didn't have

my mum to chat to, I didn't have other friends in the university to chat to and I didn't have anyone back home to chat to. I didn't know what to do.

Feeling that alone is one of the worst pains I have ever been in. I felt helpless, hopeless and lonely. I didn't know what to do with myself. However, I managed to drag myself out of bed and ate some muesli. I thought to myself, what could get me out of this funk? I decided to walk to Morrisons to buy some fruit and vegetables. This was when I thought that going to university, I would change to eating extremely healthy. (This lasted roughly 2 weeks).

I got to Morrisons and picked up some grapes, cucumber and carrots. On my way back to the university I decided to head to the beach and sit and watch the waves and the clouds. I never realised how much the beach can be relaxing for the mind and soul.

I then made it back to the university and cut up my carrots cucumber and grapes. I took everything back to my bedroom and stayed in bed for the rest of the day watching movies, YouTube and television on my laptop until it was time for dinner.

After dinner, I went back to my room and again I felt incredibly lonely, so I ended up crying the whole night while trying to watch something on my laptop. The amount of tissues I went through was wild.

You are probably wondering why I am even crying. I think some of the underlying issues were that I was exhausted from getting to know everyone, having late nights, going to lectures and having to put up a front that I was ok when I wasn't.

What I dreamed university life would be like, would be having a massive group of friends who I did everything with and confided in through everything. Instead, I was crying in my room about feeling like I had no friends I could speak to yet.

After feeling tired from crying for 6 hours straight, I ended up crying myself to sleep.

If I think about it, whether it is a day into university, a week, a month or a couple of months, everyone at some point will feel the emotion of loneliness and like no one else understands. I wish I had known earlier that some other people were feeling the same way as me. In the moment it felt like everyone around me already had their university life figured out and there I was starting to struggle.

Quote of the blog:

"Lonely is not being alone, it is the feeling that no one cares" - as if this quote couldn't relate to this post so much. I am wondering to just leave this quote here and not expand. However, I wouldn't do that to you. As I said in the blog above, I felt I had no one and felt like no one was around even when people were around, it was like they did not care. This was not the case, as people around me didn't even know I was struggling.

I understand this blog is an unhappy version of me, however, something to remember is that not everyone who goes to university enjoys it. Some people take longer to settle in than others, but at some point, you will feel as if this is where you belong. It has taken me 4 months to believe I am in the right place.